CROSSING THE LINE
(Group Project)
FATIMA CRUZ
INETRI BRAZIL
Cocaine Anonymous is a fellowship of recovering addicts both men and women who share their experiences with each other to gain strength, hope and assistance in recovery. In studying this culture, several discoveries were made. Not only did the members have a central focus of recovery, but their energies were also directed on helping each other overcome the addiction. As individuals, they admit their lack of power against cocaine and other mind-altering substances. Because of this, each addict is called to focus on a higher power greater than themselves as foundation for recovery and resource to ask for help. Being outward focused through acts of kindness and servitude are other ways to divert attention away from the addiction.
This program began in November 1982 by two former addicts who believed that cocaine was an addictive drug. At that time, the mainstream population agreed with this belief, but "there seemed to be an epidemic of non-addicted, addicted people." (Cocaine Anonymous, 1993:xxiv) The founders of this program met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting held at the Film and Television Fund in Hollywood, CA. During the course of this meeting, many people found that they were having many of the same experiences with drugs, especially cocaine. The same keywords were being repeated "basing, snorting, shooting, copping, dealing, paranoia, and depressions." (Cocaine Anonymous, 1993:xxv) It was like a common language that they could all comprehend. They would hear these stories and feel a connection. Within themselves they would see these same thoughts and feelings. They were not alone anymore. There were people out there that understood what that desperation felt like, what those highs felt like, and what hitting that ultimate low felt like.
Thus, this program was born as a vision of two addicts not even a year sober. Realizing they needed help, these founders were well aware that this was not just another fad. Many people did not believe that Cocaine Anonymous would make it through its first couple of months. Most predicted the program fading away because there seemed to be no need for it. Cocaine Anonymous is now an international organization going on its eighteenth year of activity.
Before attending the meetings, we researched the drug. A German chemist originally developed cocaine in the mid-nineteen century for medicinal purposes to treat a variety of illnesses; it was also used as a local anesthetic. In reference to Figure 1, we see how mainstream cocaine was distributed to the common household. However, researchers later found it too highly addictive, a cause of mental disturbances, and in some cases fatal. Studies found that in the early nineteen hundreds, almost all cocaine sold in the United States was used as an active ingredient in tonics and household medications which could be found at your local pharmacy. Cocaine was deemed illegal in the beginning of the twentieth century.
In today's society, cocaine is usually sold in a crystalline, white powdered form. Some typical slang terms for this drug are coke, snow, blow, C and flake. Cocaine makes its user feel several effects such as euphoria, heightened energy, increased mental alertness, and intensified sensations of sight, sound, and touch. By using this drug one can also temporarily substitute the need for food and sleep. Other effects include anxiety, paranoia and panic attacks. Some individuals find that the drug assists them in performing simple physical and intellectual tasks faster while others experience just the opposite effect. Negative results of chronic cocaine snorting are stuffiness, runny nose, eczema around the nostrils, and a deviated nasal septum. Because of the AIDS epidemic, those who inject the drug run the risk of infection from unsterile needle practices.
We made the decision to study this because we thought it would be an interesting challenge. Going into this environment trying to not to be biased and avoiding prejudgments on these people's lives or decisions was very difficult. We tried not to think, "well I would have done this instead of abusing drugs." We observed different meetings and met many different people. All the stories were different but the feelings seemed to be the same. We were able to see these people on their terms, on their home ground. Now, we were the outsiders. One of them even refers to us, the non-addicts, as "Normies."
During our fieldwork we used both the participant-observation and the interview method. We would usually try to come in and just blend into the crowd. In some cases we were successful and in others they could point us out as students quite quickly. Personally, we were scared before going into these meetings. We had a predisposed thought about how these people were going to look and act. Society usually portrays addicts as being mainly minorities. However, we discovered in attending the meetings there were fewer minorities represented. Maybe our expectations were predetermined by the way that addicts are seen on television, film and media in general. We were anticipating your typical drug addict, not very well kept, older and worn out by their lifestyle. Some of the addicts that we saw did fit that typical stereotype, but many of the others didn't. They were the total opposite. There were young people in normal street attire, professional looking people in suits, and those who at first we thought were college students just like us, but we discovered were actual members. These people looked like you and me.
At first, we did experience culture shock. We felt like outsiders. We felt like everybody was going to know that we were not part of their group and resent our presence. They had no problem with us being there and even welcomed us. Having no qualms introducing themselves, they shared their stories with us and were proud to be a worthy subject for research. They would kid around with us and tell us that all we wanted to see was some "druggies and their stories." When we looked at them with faces of shock, they would laugh and tell us that they were just kidding with us. These individuals did not mind us being there at all and if there was anything that they could do to help we were to let them know.
All the meetings that we attended followed the same structure exhibiting their initiations and rituals. The sessions began with one of the participants reading a passage from their book, Hope Faith & Courage. After this passage is read the meeting goes through its usual formalities like any meeting would. A secretary reviews any planned events. Then a chip person passes out the "chips." These were developed by the organization as a symbol of unification. They are something tangible that the members can carry around that reminds them of their commitment to the group. In the beginning the chips were white, hard, and square shaped with letters or numbers inscribed on them. The inscriptions were not made well and would usually wear off quite quickly. Another problem with their shape was that people who would relapse used them to cut up their cocaine. This ironic fact caused them to change the style of the chip to a more flexible rounded shape. They have chips for the newcomers, then they progress to 30 days sober, 90 days sober, and 180 days sober. After passing the chips, they move onto the Birthdays. The Birthdays count the years of sobriety that some selected members achieve. Each year of sobriety the member receives a cake. At the meetings we attended, people had birthdays ranging from three years to twelve years sober. After this celebration of cake and song, a speaker shares for approximately 20 to 30 minutes about their life experiences and thoughts about their addiction. All the stories had a common underlying theme of cocaine being a coping mechanism for dealing with the daily struggles of life and a means to escape reality. They speak of surrendering their will to a higher power rather than independently overcoming their addiction. At this point, they open the floor for personal testimonies. In order to give everyone an opportunity to share, each has only two to three minutes of talk time. However, they must be sober from any mind-altering substance for at least 24 hours. There is no set format for what each individual says. It ranges from stories of struggle to venting of emotions.
Each newcomer is recommended to choose a sponsor. A sponsor is a person they can call for support and can refer you to professional agencies if necessary. Sponsors are not assigned, but must be chosen by the individual. The criteria for becoming a 'sponsor' are at least one year of continuous sobriety and willingness to share personal experiences and lessons of what's been learned. During our interviewing we spoke to many different people. We will profile three of them. They are Tita, Rick, and Johnny.
Tita: The Queen of Denial
Tita was a good girl from a good family. Her father was a UCLA professor and her mother was an artist. They were the type of family who believed that they would rather their daughter experiment at home than do things outside. So they allowed her to drink at an early age. She first got drunk on her thirteenth birthday out of anger at her parents for leaving her alone on this special day; becoming a teenager. Tita started this cycle of using beer and drugs to mask the pain in her life, even through pregnancy. There was a point in her life that she lived next door to a crack house. She remembers calling the cops on them because she didn't want her daughter exposed to that environment. Ironically, she was also engaging in the same behavior, but she justified her actions as being less detrimental. She also was in denial about her alcohol problem. Tita thought that since she did not drink hard liquor she was fine. "It was ONLY beer," she thought. Little by little her life started falling apart. Her own daughter was becoming an addict and she was not sure how to help her, since she could not help herself. She came to C.A. knowing she had to quit doing drugs, but she did not want to quit drinking. The problem with this is that the first step of Cocaine Anonymous is giving up ALL mind-altering substances. She now lives a drug free, but not a struggle free life.
Rick: Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
When Rick met us, he was well aware that we were students, not "newcomers". To him our appearance spoke for itself. He told us that most of the newcomers he has met "look a lot more beat up." Celebrating ten years sobriety, he shared his experience as a drug abuser; school bus driver by day and uncontrollable cocaine addict by night. Like many addicts, Rick saw his life as being two separate realities. Hitting rock bottom, his secret was exposed and he knew it was time to stop. Although, the route to recovery has been a long one, it is the best decision he has ever made.
Johnny: Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover
An entrepreneur in his own right, Johnny's process of addiction to recovery has allowed him not only to see the darkest parts of life, but opened his eyes to all that he wasted while being ruled by drugs. Almost at the end of his rope, this addict became involved with Cocaine Anonymous. The group gave him hope for his future in pursuing a career where he now owns two companies and has purchased three homes for himself and his family. Johnny's struggles still continue as he spoke of a possible relapse he experienced after a hard day of work. He stressed that having the program as a refuge to turn to when he felt weak and powerless helped him in overcoming his drug habit.
Conclusions
Within the activities of this culture the environment is inviting and friendly. The meetings are conducted usually within church buildings with the seating arranged in a large circle thereby promoting full attention and eye contact. It is very family-oriented, but not exclusive. All are welcome. Even though we were outside observers, they invited us to join them again for future meetings. Also, they encouraged us to fellowship with them afterwards at a nearby restaurant.
Overall, our experience with Cocaine Anonymous was a positive one. This organization satisfies its members' needs for reinforcing their decision to stay drug free through group support, focus on a higher power, sharing of mutual experiences and commitment to a better standard of life. By admitting to themselves and others that they are indeed cocaine addicts, they come to terms with who they are, yet have hope for who they can become. We believe that C.A. is worthy of further study. It would be interesting to see a track record of success stories and failures. The sense of unity and family is also quite attractive and intriguing.
Let us be grateful for what we have and not sweat the small stuff. There are people held hostage by a substance that they cannot sacrifice without outside help. We should all be glad to be "normies" and to live a life that does not require an ongoing commitment to overcome the struggle of drug addiction.
Bibliography
Alcohol Anonymous
1976, Alcohol Anonymous.
New York: Alcohol Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Cocaine Anonymous
1993, Hope, Faith & Courage.
California: Cocaine Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Cocaine Anonymous World Services, Inc.
1992 "Cocaine Anonymous" http://www.ca.org/whatisca.html
Erowid
1995 "Cocaine & Crack (C17H21NO4)," http://www.erowid.org/index.shtml
Library Addiction Research Foundation
1995 "Crack Cocaine," http://www.arf.org/
1998 "Signs of Stimulant Abuse," http://www.addictions.org/speed.htm